Knowing You
by the lola
Summary: Daphne writes letters to Blaise as she tries to rebuild her life after losing her memories. 'Today, I don't know you. I don't even know me. I don't know anything, and I'm scared. But I believed the look on your face, the tears in your eyes and your sternly set jaw. I believe that you know me, and I believe that you love me. Today, you are the only thing I believe in.'


**Word Count: **1,377

**Challenge/Competition: **Tour de fiction

**Prompts:** Fall For You (secondhnd serenade), "Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much", New Beginning

**Warnings: **implications of self harm, a mention of sex

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.

* * *

_Today, I don't know you. I don't even know me. I don't know anything, and I'm scared. But I believed the look on your face, the tears in your eyes and your sternly set jaw. I believe that you know me, and I believe that you love me. Today, you are the only thing I believe in._

* * *

_I heard you talking to Pansy today. I heard you saying that you will always love me, and that something will forever be broken inside you. I wish I felt you in my heart, I wish that you could make me remember, I wish that this never happened. My head hurts, my heart hurts, I miss you already, and that scares me._

* * *

_I wish that I wasn't hurting you like this. You look so tired, you look so broken. There's something about you that makes me want to fix you, even when I can't fix me. You said that this was all your fault, that they (who are they?) **promised**, that it should be you and not me, and I just want you to know that even though I don't know you, I know that you don't deserve this. I know that it should never have been you, and I know that I am happy that it was me. But I didn't tell you that, because I just like to listen to your voice, and you always eventually trail off to talking about happier things._

* * *

_You brought me some old photos of us today, and we looked so happy. I wish we could be happy, I wish it for us more than anything. I love how those memories made you smile, it's different to the way you smile around me now. In those few seconds, you seemed to be able to breathe again._

* * *

_I won't break, you know, if you stop walking on eggshells around me._

* * *

_I like it when we just talk. The noose around your neck seems to loosen, and I seem to feel more like myself. You wouldn't stop talking about how you hate this guy for putting you through so much crap throughout these past few weeks. When I told you to always forgive your enemies because nothing annoys them so much, the smile that broke out on your face is unlike one I've ever seen before. I felt like in that moment, I knew you. I knew your smile. You said that it was just nice to be reminded that I am still completely me, and I agreed because it was just nice to see your face glow._

* * *

_As I relearn everything, I do not have to relearn you. I know you already - the slight lines at the corner of your eyes, your strong jaw, and the way you clench it when you're trying not to cry. I know you in sadness, in anger, in joy, and I know that you love me memories or no memories. I know that you believe in me, and I know that I believe in you. For today, it is enough._

* * *

_I am so sorry for telling you to leave. I am breaking you, I'm sure, and I just want to protect you. I want you to be happy._

* * *

_When you told me the story of what happened to me, and the chain of events leading up to it, I wanted to feel more regret than I did. I am brave, I know that now, and that knowledge helps me more than anyone can possibly know. In a world where I do not know myself, where I have only what I am told to use to rebuild myself, I am proud to know that I was strong, and that I can be strong again. I only wish for our sake that I wasn't so stubborn, because maybe we would still be the laughing couple in the picture that sits on my bedside table if I had just agreed to stay out of the fighting._

* * *

_Today, I am ready to get my life back on track. You decided not to go back to school - too many tarnished memories, you said, and I had to hold back tears and anger at that, because at least you were allowed to keep your memories. I had to keep telling myself that it's not your fault, because I know that it isn't - all you ever wanted to do was keep me safe, and you did. I would be dead if it wasn't for your agreement. And being an amnesiac is surely better than being dead._

* * *

_Allow yourself to be happy again, please. I don't know how many more tears I can take._

* * *

_I don't know what we are, but I know that you make me, me. There is no Daphne Greengrass without Blaise Zabini, and you are how I am rebuilding myself. I think that we will find each other in every lifetime that we ever have, and I believe that we have each other in every universe that exists._

* * *

_I remember more, but still, I don't remember you. I remember Astoria, my mother, and my father. I remember my first day at Hogwarts, the kindness and courage and the Slytherin in my heart. And even though I don't remember our first meeting, or our first kiss, or the way you tugged at my heartstrings, I know you now. I have memorised every part of you, everything you have made me feel, every word that you have said to me, and I will never again forget._

* * *

_I told you today that I wished we were just a normal couple. You laughed, and you said that we were never a normal couple. We spend so much time smiling now, so much so that I can almost forget all of our tears, and those weeks where I know you barely slept, and those months where I knew nothing about myself._

* * *

_I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I cannot stop telling you. I cannot stop kissing you._

* * *

_Today, I saw the cuts on your arms. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You then showed me the fading scars on my arms, and I realised that we are two broken halves that somehow fit together into a whole. Some of my darker memories were triggered, but none of you, still not you._

* * *

_I don't care if I will never remember how we used to be. I don't care if I can't remember any of our firsts, because we are having new firsts. I fell in love with you once, I have fallen in love with you again, and I feel like I fall in love with you all over again every time I see you._

* * *

_I have enough memories, enough experiences, and enough people to be myself again, and you finally believed in me and us enough to give in to me. As we made love, I remembered you. I know nothing new except that I just love you more, if that is even possible._

* * *

"I have something to show you," she says, voice trembling, as she reaches under her bed and feels around for the white box.

"Hm?" he murmurs sleepily.

"We've been through so much, but it has only made us stronger. I've written letters to you since the day of the accident, because from day one, you stirred something in me. You were the only person who made me feel comfortable in a world where I knew nothing, and I wanted a way to be able to look back on us, and to keep memories." She hands the box, stuffed full of letters, to him.

"Why give them to me now?" he asks, running his hand over the little envelopes.

"Because this is our new beginning, and I always wanted to be able to share them with you."

So she goes to sleep and he reads and he reads until he's read them all, his tears spotting so many of the notes. Once he's tucked them all away into the box, he leans over to kiss Daphne. "I love you," he whispers.

"I love you," she mumbles, completely subconsciously.

* * *

**AN- **oh my beautiful otp! I haven't written them in so long, so this makes me happy. I hope you guys liked this, it would be lovely to receive a review to let me know what you thought :)


End file.
